oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
