Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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