He had one of those small greek statue penises
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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