Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize