I smell stomach acid.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
