He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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