also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So much rum. So many feels.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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