im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
