I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
