the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
