just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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