dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize