Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
