Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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