Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
