Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
