it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
