I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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