Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
