Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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