i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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