You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
