Me too!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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