the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
