he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
