How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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