For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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