i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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