I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im holly from the hills drunk
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
