No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
