Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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