He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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