Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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