So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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