I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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