I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
