2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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