So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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