another moral hangover. fuck.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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