So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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