I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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