If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
