btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
