I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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