I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
