I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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