Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
