There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
