You made me cry and you don't even care
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
