She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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