Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
