I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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