Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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