I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
