Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
