I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
