i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
