I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
