I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize