he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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