i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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